Man Checks Mirror Before Date To Confirm Consciousness Still Inhabiting Corporeal Form,ATHENS, GA—Nervously inspecting...
The Onion
U.S. Military Discovers Bootleg F-22 Fighter Jets For Sale From Hundreds Of AliExpress Vendors,ARLINGTON,...
Bill Gates Calls Epstein’s Number Just To Hear His Voicemail Again,MEDINA, WA—With tears welling...
Silicon Valley Bank Collapses In Biggest Bank Failure Since 2008 Financial Crisis,Silicon Valley Bank...
2 Men Arrested After Killing Bald Eagle They Planned On Eating,Two men face federal...
Fetus Panics After Ballooning Up To 500 Times Her Original Weight,‘I Gotta Lay Off...
Buffalo Wild Wings Sued Over Claim That ‘Boneless Wings’ Aren’t Wings,A Chicago man filed...
Hollywood’s Biggest Motion-Capture Stars Walk Oscars Green Carpet,The Onion brings you all of the...
It Absolutely Impossible To Tell That Boring Couple On Date Falling Deeply In Love,The...
Tech Moguls React To The Silicon Valley Bank Collapse,The collapse of Silicon Valley Bank...
Woman Shares How She Stays Safe While Jogging Alone By Disguising Herself As A...
Starbucks CEO Clearly Just Coming To Company Headquarters To Use Bathroom,SEATTLE—Calling his motivations “beyond...
Mark Zuckerberg Worried Facebook Listening To Him After Being Pushed Shirt That Says ‘I...
Dad Bookmarks Rik Smits’ Wikipedia Page,GOSHEN, IN—After a cursory scanning of the 1,300-word online...
Biden Approves Controversial Oil Drilling Project In Alaska,The Biden administration approved a massive $8...
Atlanta Police Explain Why They Need ‘Cop City’,The city of Atlanta is facing backlash...
New Hyundai Elantra Wins J.D. Power And Associates Award For Sluttiest Car,TROY, MI—After naming...
Browns Impressed With Jalen Carter’s Reckless Disregard For Life,CLEVELAND—Saying they were considering trading up...
Jimmy Carter Promises To Deliver Biden’s Eulogy,The Onion brings you all of the latest...
Ingenious Forms Of Birth Control Used In Ancient Times,Throughout recorded history, humans have been...
